Story Box (Stories and News About Life in the City)

Bay To Breakers

I first heard about Bay to Breakers when I was working at Rand McNally Map & Travel Store in San Diego years ago. We sold VHS travel tapes (hey, I'm old, but at least they weren't Beta), which we'd play on a TV behind the cash register area. As I pretended to work, I would not-so-discreetly watch the California tape - which was by far the most entertaining - and imagine how fun it would be to participate in Bay to Breakers.

Bay to Breakers is one of the longest consecutively-running footraces in the world, having begun in 1912 as a way to uplift the spirit of San Franciscans after the devastating 1906 earthquake. Participants start the race near the bay and finish 12 kilometers across the city, where the waves of the Pacific Ocean break upon the beach ("breakers," get it?).

In the 1970s, Bay to Breakers morphed from a serious race into the wacky spectacle it is today, with costumes, non-mechanized floats, runners in the nude, and lots of booze. It is quintessential San Francisco!

Although I visited San Francisco often starting in 1998, I never attended Bay to Breakers because it occurred on the very same day as the North Park Spring Festival, an event in San Diego that I helped organize. Not until I moved here in 2008 did I finally have an opportunity to watch the wacky footrace.

Bowl of Fruit

My friend Jessica posted on Facebook that she wanted to be a banana in the Bay to Breakers race in May 2009. I dreamed that night I was a cherry to her banana. Maybe we could be a banana split! Strange, I know. It seemed brilliant at the time (asleep), but I recognized immediately when I awoke that a cherry costume would be nearly impossible, and I would look like a total idiot.

Jessica suggested instead that we go as a bowl of fruit. She sent a message to 14 people on Facebook inviting them to join us. How awesome would it be to have a huge group of friends all dressed as fruits? I was so excited!

I quickly snagged my favorite fruit - pomegranate - as my costume of choice. Jessica had dibs on the banana. Evan said he wanted to be a pineapple. I was waiting for everybody else to chime in, but nobody else did. I was a little disappointed, but 3 fruits would be OK.

In no time at all, my excitement shifted to nervousness and stress. How the heck was I going to design a pomegranate costume? Should I construct it of paper mache? Cloth? What would the costume include? What the heck was I thinking?

I decided that the best thing for me to do was buy an apple costume for the base. I would have the Pom Wonderful logo on the front and back, a red crown, and pom poms. I was going to alter the Pom Wonderful logo so it said "Pompous," but I figured people would be scratching their heads trying to figure out what that meant.

Bay to Breakers Cometh

As the day got closer, I got more and more stressed. Evan was unable to run, so it was just Jessica and me... a pair of fruits versus an entire bowl. It wasn't quite the same, but there was no changing our plans. I pushed on.

The costume was a bitch. The crown was too dark and had to be covered in red felt. It took me about four days of experimenting before I finally figured out how to do it. Most of my stress came from stuffing the costume. Without proper stuffing, I looked like a big, red douche bag. I decided to safety pin garbage bags filled with packing paper to the inside of the costume. It wasn't easy. I got the front done perfectly, but I couldn't get the back right. Too much junk in the trunk!

Evan came to my rescue. He came over the night before the race and helped me stuff the costume properly. We left the sides flat lest I not be able to fit through doors or into port-o-potties!

Plans Gone Wild

On the morning of the event, Jessica, who lives far across the city near the beach, was supposed to take MUNI Metro. I would meet her on the train near my apartment, and we'd go to the starting line together. MUNI wasn't running rail transit so early on a Sunday morning, so Jessica hopped on a bus instead.

I looked online at nextbus.com, and she was right... there were no trains! How on earth was I going to get downtown dressed as a pomegranate? I couldn't fit on a bus or in a taxi. I started to panic. I would have no choice but to walk down Market Street, the city's main boulevard, dressed like a pomegranate. I headed out the front door looking and feeling like a total dweeb!

To my surprise, MUNI was actually running special Bay to Breakers trains which weren't showing up on nextbus.com. It was probably the first intelligent thing I've seen MUNI do... ever! They are usually oblivious to special events.

Better yet, the train was an express from my station all the way to the Embarcadero station. I made it to the starting point in less than 10 minutes! Everyone on board was dressed up, and the mood was infectious. I smiled, but I was still just a lone fruit. People were taking pictures of me and everybody kept poking me. I wanted to die! And this was supposed to be fun?!

Jessica was inching her way towards the starting point, but the bus was too slow. It looked like I'd be walking the first 2 miles alone. I desperately looked for other fruits so I wouldn't feel like such a weenie. Even more miserable was the temperature. It was heading towards 85 degrees - about 20 degrees hotter than normal - with no cooling fog. It was great day for naked people, but I was about as far from naked as one could get.

As I shuffled towards the starting line with 60,000 other people, most of them, it seemed, poking my stuffing, I got a call from Jessica. She hopped on a faster bus and made it to the starting point. It was the first great news of the day! Finally, the two fruits found each other. We were on our way!

I sweated so much before even making it to the starting line that I contemplated removing the costume and running bare-ass naked. Within no time at all, however, the costumed craziness all around us kept me and Jessica occupied and entertained:

We actually saw Elvis,

Or about twenty-two.

We saw pig boys and bacon

Celebrating swine flu.